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Archive for the ‘That Was Then’ Category

Baggage – Men are from Mars, Women are from Earth

Posted in State of Mind, That Was Then, This Is Now, tagged , , , , , , on August 12, 2015| 1 Comment »

Men and women and their baggage. Accumulated. Unnecessary. Inevitable. Excess. Baggage by proxy.

In another life, I hauled around all kinds of baggage in my purse:

  • pacifier
  • folding potty seat
  • baby bottle
  • diapers
  • picture book
  • baggie of animal cookies
  • couple of Hot Wheels
  • a stuffed animal or two

Along with:

  • an overstuffed wallet
  • checkbook
  • lipstick, lip gloss, lip balm, Carmex
  • keys
  • tissues
  • bulging organizer full of laboriously clipped coupons
  • brush, mirror
  • sunglasses
  • pen, notepad
  • feminine products
  • pain reliever
  • tweezers
  • Band-Aids
  • receipts
  • shopping list

This baggage hanging off my shoulder started off weighing more than the infant cradled across my chest. Over time, it served to offset the weight of the squirming toddler wedged against my hip and the insistent other child tugging my arm.

My husband’s baggage fit neatly in his pockets.

Swap out the baby items for anti-aging supplements, props and promising potions, add a cell phone and charger, reading glasses, an ATM card or two, dry-eye drops, stick in an E-reader, an eco-friendly reusable shopping bag, chuck the Carmex, the checkbook and the coupon organizer, and the baggage I’m shouldering today weighs about the same – maybe more – but now one hip is out of line and one arm is longer than the other.

He still doesn’t need a purse for his baggage.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Earth. Look it up. Mars v Earth

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Mother’s Day – A Week + A Day Later – A Cultural Shift?

Posted in State of Mind, That Was Then, This Is Now, tagged , , , , , on May 18, 2015| 1 Comment »

How many bosses can a woman with children have? All women with children are working moms. Some get an actual paycheck – some don’t. Regardless, we all know that the real boss is the child.

I grew up in the ’50s when Dr. Spock’s book, The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, was right up there next to the Bible. I wore out my mother’s paperback edition raising my own children in the late ’70s and ’80s. Just like my mother, I wanted to be the best mother I could but wasn’t quite sure how to do that or how to measure my success. Dr. Spock’s opening line was Trust Yourself: You know more than you think you do. Maybe yes – maybe no.  But, when I’d exhausted all other available resources, I went with my instinct.  1968 Baby and Child Care

Is mothering in 2015 harder than mothering in 1950 or 1980?  I don’t think so. But, is there a different pressure to “entertain” children? Probably. Dr. Spock reminded us that children can and should entertain themselves.

Social researcher, Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., observes that today, “failing to nurture your child on every imaginable measure and enrich him in every possible way is considered neglect… Sociologists call it ‘intensive motherhood’ – a gendered ideology that dictates that women should spend enormous amounts of time, energy, and money on childrearing, and that failing to do so is failing to be a good mother… Children who once worked for us are now our bosses.”

I appreciate where she’s coming from and agree wholeheartedly with Dr. Martin that today’s mothers are under tremendous pressure to prove themselves as mothers, that motherhood is “intensive”. I’m not sure there is a true “cultural shift” since the ’50s. There are certainly many more ways to “entertain” a child today and a miasma of instant information and opinions at a mom’s fingertips. But I didn’t work for my mom in 1950 and my children never worked for me.

Motherhood was intense in 1950.  It was intense in 1980.  It is intense today.  One way or another, children have always been the “boss”.  2011 Baby and Child Care

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Goddesses, Mother’s Day, Ancient Greece

Posted in That Was Then, This Is Now, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2015| 3 Comments »

Mothers are goddesses. It’s common knowledge. The nurturers. The givers of life. To be celebrated and honored.

To the ancient ones, there was just something about spring and mothers that equaled FESTIVAL!  Dancers, musicians, singers, food, costumes. Maybe a sacrificial slaughter in honor of a mythical goddess like Egypt’s Isis or the Greco-Roman deity, Cybele, the great mother of all.  These maternal goddesses were not just nurturers and the givers of life, they were symbols of powerful female forces in the universe. Even the early Christians honored the Virgin Mary with a festival on the fourth Sunday of Lent.

Spring and mothers and festivals. I see a pattern here.

Which brings me to 12-year old Anna Jarvis, Webster, Virginia, 1876, listening to her mother’s prayer after a lesson on ‘Mother’s of the Bible’. “I hope that someone, sometime will found a memorial mothers day commemorating her for the matchless service she renders to humanity in every field of life. She is entitled to it.” Anna Jarvis never forgot her mother’s prayer and, at her mother’s gravesite, vowed “… by the grace of God, you shall have that Mothers Day”(cue music).

Anna was not kidding. Her Mother’s Day campaign started in 1905 at her local Methodist church and she didn’t stop until, in 1914, President Wilson proclaimed the second Sunday in May as the official American national holiday we all know and love.

Mother’s Day 2015. Americans who love their mothers and their mothering friends, sisters, neighbors, grandmothers, and those who have “been like a mother-to-me”, are projected to spend $21.2 BILLION DOLLARS on flowers, cards, gifts and … brunch.

$21.2 BILLION DOLLARS. A stack of just one billion one dollar bills measures 67.9 miles. Multiply that by 21.2 billion and you’ve got a stack of one dollar bills 1439.48 miles high.

$21.2 BILLION DOLLARS. That’s about 210,000 new Tesla Roadsters.

$21.2 BILLION DOLLARS. That’s almost 9 billion gallons of gas.

As a mother, with a mother, who knows so many wonderful mothers, I feel I can speak for us all.

Where’s my festival!

festival of lights

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The Women I Come From

Posted in That Was Then, This Is Now, Uncategorized, tagged , , on April 29, 2014| 11 Comments »

It’s easy to forget where I come from, so busy trying to direct where I’m going.
It’s easy to forget I’m not alone, so caught up in making myself count.

And then, in stillness, they speak to me – these women I come from.

Oklahoma to west Texas in a covered wagon.
A third grade education.

Depression survivor.

Homemade jam.
Homemade soap.
Homegrown squash and fresh-drawn cream for sale.

Wring a chicken’s neck for dinner.
Chop cotton.

Church pot lucks. It’s God’s will.

Braids and bows.
Grease and dirt.

No gasoline.
No car.

A widow with three young children.
“Sorry ma’m, we’re taking your farm. “Like hell you will!”

Five little girls all in a row. Hand-me-down dresses hanging on the line.
Wringer washer.
No washer.

“Sorry ma’m, your little boy will never walk again.” “Like hell he won’t!”

Kisses, love, tears, laughs, tough, strong, kind.
Do what needs to be done.

You are us… we’ve come before you.
We’ve paved the way, to show you count.
To proclaim there is nothing more important than you.
Than us.

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