Despite indisputable evidence to the contrary (chronology), I’ve coddled the notion that I have time on my side. Not that I have more time in front of me than behind me. Not that I have all the time in the world. But that time is still…friendly.
I prefer to think of time as being circular, without end. Or multi-dimensional. Or relative – dependent on my perception – at the time. I don’t understand time travel but I embrace the idea.
In a culture hell-bent on defying and denying time, I have done my best to wage war alongside my comrades – armed with positive thoughts and a bag of supplements. If only I could clearly identify the “enemy”.
Ancient Rome had Saturn – god of time. Saturn was heir to the throne; next-in-line to be king of the Titans. But his father, Uranus, was in no hurry to step down as king so Saturn took time into his own hands and, with a slash of his sickle, castrated his father. Of course, it was only a matter of time until Saturn was overthrown by his son, Jupiter.
If the god of time can’t control time, how can my comrades and I?
I remember, exactly, the day my friend and colleague sat across the table and asked me, “how much longer do you plan to work?” Hers was a very practical question – if we hire you, how long will you stay?
If you are part of the workforce, time is always breathing down your neck. And, if you are a woman in the workforce, that foul-smelling breath whispers words like competitive edge, staying current, and skill sets interspersed with crepey neck, puffy eyes, and veiny hands. And no amount of positive attitude or magic potions can halt the ravages of time.
Time is moving at a rate at which I cannot keep up. In fact, it seems to be moving so fast that I can hear it. Not a steady deliberate brisk march. But a bullet train. And I’m hanging on for dear life.
When asked by Steve Kroft about “this whole aging thing” during a 2013 60 Minutes interview, British actress, Maggie Smith, age 78, remarked, “Noel Coward… said ‘The awful thing about getting old is that you have breakfast every half-hour.’ And that’s sort of what it is. I can’t understand why everything has to go so fast.”
Dame Maggie gives me hope. At 80, she is in demand and bankable – a stand-out in Downton Abbey and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and the sequel, The Second Best Exotic …. I can just picture her riding the bullet-train that is time with an Oscar in one hand and a script in the other, trying to keep her glasses from blowing off her face.
“Time is the substance from which I am made. Time is a river which carries me along, but
I am the river;
it is a tiger that devours me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire that consumes me, but
I am the fire.”
-Jorge Luis Borges
Ah… now I get it. Time is me. I am my own enemy. Waging war against myself. What else is new!
vivinolavita 